High Stories: “I Got So High I Peed Behind a Bush… in a Beverly Hills Gated Community”

Sometimes when you’re high, nature calls—and sometimes, she screams. It started after a bottomless brunch that turned into an all-day adventure.

Somewhere between three mimosas, a shared joint in the Uber, and a spontaneous detour to a rich friend-of-a-friend’s house in Beverly Hills, I found myself in a stranger’s gated community with one major problem:

I had to pee. Immediately.

I asked to use the bathroom inside. I was told “it’s a little messy in there” (???) and that the guest bathroom was “currently under construction.” Cool. Chill. Love that.

But my bladder didn’t care about renovations. I was at the point where every step felt like I was walking on a water balloon. I could not wait.

So what did I do?

I went outside. Found the nearest hydrangea bush. Checked for cameras (poorly). Dropped into a squat like I’d trained for this moment, and peed. Behind a perfectly manicured bush.

In broad daylight.

In a Beverly Hills gated community.

I felt both primal and powerful… until I stood up and realized there was a Ring camera on the gatepost the entire time. Full shot. Full squat. Full cheeks.

I don’t know who owns that house. I don’t know where that footage is. But somewhere, someone has a crystal-clear recording of me treating their landscaping like a public restroom.