High Stories: “I Got So High I Gave a Toast at a Wedding I Wasn’t In”

It started harmless. I was a plus-one at a wedding. I didn’t really know anyone except my date (who conveniently disappeared somewhere between the open bar and the shrimp cocktail tower), and I decided to “ease the social anxiety” by stepping outside and hitting a THC vape that I wildly underestimated.

Rookie mistake? No. I’m experienced. But that pen was possessed.

I walk back inside, fully feeling like a warm marshmallow in heels. Suddenly, everyone’s toasting. People are clinking glasses. There’s a mic being passed around. I think, “Wow. Vibes are high. Love is in the air. I should say something.”

Let me repeat: I was not in the wedding. I was not in the wedding party. I was not related to anyone getting married. I was just… really high and apparently feeling incredibly inspired.

Next thing I know, the mic is somehow in my hand (I think someone actually handed it to me?? still unclear). I stand up. I raise my glass. And I give a full, impromptu TED Talk on love. I don’t even remember what I said, but I know I definitely quoted The Notebook and told the bride she radiated “fertile goddess energy.”

People clapped.

The maid of honor gave me a look like I just snatched her moment and stomped on it in vintage boots.

I sat down, proud. My date returned, horrified.